Jump to content
GLITCHFAN

The Joke Thread (NSFW)

Recommended Posts

I searched the forums and didn't find any threads like this. If there is one, it must be called something different, and I've never seen it anyway.

 

So here's a thread dedicated to jokes.....such as Dztrbed's gameplay.

 

Ok seriously though, I'm always looking for new jokes and one liners and whatnot. Figured this would be a good place to share them.

 

I'll start.

 

A Jewish kid says to his Rabbi dad, "Dad, can I borrow 50 bucks?"

 

"40 bucks?" Says his dad.

 

"What the hell do you need to borrow 30 bucks for?"

 

I might have posted this one already in the random thoughts thread, but nonetheless it's pretty damn funny.

 

Post yours!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.

 

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says, "this is a good sign," and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife.

 

He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor says, "this is amazing and is a real break through". The doctor then suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed.

 

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks “what happened?”

 

To which the man replies, “She choked.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Here's an oldie:

 

Why did the former porn star get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?

 

Whenever a tank was almost full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car. haaa

 

lol this was hilarious to me...

 

why is 7 scare of 9? because 7 8 9... :/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jesus.....this is called the joke thread.....not the 2nd grade joke thread!! :tongue:

 

Q: Why did the feminist cross the road?

A: To suck my dick.

 

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 2. One to change the lightbulb, the other to suck my dick.

 

Q: What's the good thing about leprosy?

A You can really give someone the finger.

 

Q: What's the bad thing about leprosy?

A: You always leave the prostitute a "tip".

 

A kid asks his father what pussy looks like, the father replies, "You ever see a bulldog eat mayonnaise?

 

A kid walks in on his grandparents having sex. He could never eat a grilled cheese sandwich again.

 

A mother takes her daughter to a beach. In the changing room, the girl points at her mother and asks "That's a beaver, right?" Surprised, the mother replies "Yes, but where did you hear that?". The girl says, "From grandma, when we were here yesterday... but I think hers died. It's tounge is hanging out".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I got one more, but it's a "physical" joke...

 

Take a bowl and fill it with warm water and put a little pepper in it. Dab your finger with dish soap.

 

Tell the person you're telling the joke to, "The bowl of water is a beach, the pepper is people swimming, and my finger is (Insert race here)".

 

Then put your finger in the water, and the pepper will shoot to the side of the bowl.

 

Apologies to whoever found my jokes offensive... ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a holiday joke for yall, since christmas around the corner.

 

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are three guys walking through a forest.

Suddenly, they are attacked by cannibals.

The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.

So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.

The first guy comes back with 10 apples.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the first apple up his ass and then whinces, so the cannibals eat him.

Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the 1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th, and 8th berry up his ass...but then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.

Then in heaven, the first guy asks the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There are three guys walking through a forest.

Suddenly, they are attacked by cannibals.

The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.

So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.

The first guy comes back with 10 apples.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the first apple up his ass and then whinces, so the cannibals eat him.

Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the 1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th, and 8th berry up his ass...but then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.

Then in heaven, the first guy asks the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"

 

That's fucking hilarious!

 

Lol halfway through it I thought to myself, what if one of these dudes brings back pineapples? Bingo!

 

Lol funny shit Arch!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There are three guys walking through a forest.

Suddenly, they are attacked by cannibals.

The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.

So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.

The first guy comes back with 10 apples.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the first apple up his ass and then whinces, so the cannibals eat him.

Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.

Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your ass without changing the expression on your face."

The guy shoves the 1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th, and 8th berry up his ass...but then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.

Then in heaven, the first guy asks the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"

 

You have sick mind Arch. Got infusion Rollin'!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You have sick mind Arch. Got infusion Rollin'!

hahaha not really.....well, maybe a bit.

 

Dad: Son, if you don't stop masturbating you will go blind.

Son: Dad, I'm over here.

 

A woman comes home from work to find her husband blowdrying his cock. She asks, "What are you doing?" He replies, "heating up your dinner."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's 3 guys going on a road trip. A dumb guy, smart guy, and retarded guy. They pull up to a gas station but they have no money to pay. So there's an old raggey lookin bytch that owns the station. She tells the guys "ill give u gas for free if one of u guys fuck me". The smart guy says " o hell no! I ain't doin that shyt I rather walk". The dumb guy replies " I'm dumb, not desperate". So the retarded guy steps up and says " ill do it". So he proceeds upstairs to her office. She lays across the bed closes her eyes and spreads her dirty pussy. The retard spots corn on the cob in the window. So he shoves it in her puss the tosses it out the window. Shoves the next and tosses it out the window. Ect ect. So after he's done. They're back on the road. Now the smart guy and stupid says to the retard. "Yo, while u was up there doing that nasty shyt, we was down here eatin buttery corn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There's 3 guys going on a road trip. A dumb guy, smart guy, and retarded guy. They pull up to a gas station but they have no money to pay. So there's an old raggey lookin bytch that owns the station. She tells the guys "ill give u gas for free if one of u guys fuck me". The smart guy says " o hell no! I ain't doin that shyt I rather walk". The dumb guy replies " I'm dumb, not desperate". So the retarded guy steps up and says " ill do it". So he proceeds upstairs to her office. She lays across the bed closes her eyes and spreads her dirty pussy. The retard spots corn on the cob in the window. So he shoves it in her puss the tosses it out the window. Shoves the next and tosses it out the window. Ect ect. So after he's done. They're back on the road. Now the smart guy and stupid says to the retard. "Yo, while u was up there doing that nasty shyt, we was down here eatin buttery corn.

 

Wow....god damn....

 

that is some sick shit bro! lol!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×